Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
