ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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