He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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