You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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