So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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