Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
