Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
