The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
