just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
