i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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