you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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