Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
