No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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