shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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