I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
