Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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