I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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