My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
