I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
