My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
