Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
