I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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