Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
