I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
