Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
