Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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