im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
