That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
