I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
