friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
should my penis look like a turkey
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
