you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
