I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
