I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I AM VODKA MAN
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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