Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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