hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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