i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
