I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
