I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't special order awesome
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
