When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
