watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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