someone owes me an orgasm
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
