It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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