you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
