The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
