AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
