You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize