i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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