I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
only you would photoshop your dick
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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