Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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