threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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