Do you still have your period?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
