Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
