Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
