there's paper in my vomit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
