dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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