you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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