the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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