the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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