Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
is it fun? or sober?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize