I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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