I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you never un-have a 4some
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
