Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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