Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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