Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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