I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just blew my weed a kiss
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
