did you get engaged???
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
