About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
