lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
