I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
