butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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