you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
