Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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