My nipple is on Facebook.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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