Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
