hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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